Journeys–Trips with Falls

Eyebrows are overrated

Posted on: February 5, 2008

American Heritage Dictionary eye·brow (ī’brou’) Pronunciation Key

  1. The bony ridge extending over the eye.
  2. The arch of short hairs covering this ridge.

(Nod to for the eloquent definition found at my fingertips.)

Now that we are all on the same page, as it were, about eyebrows…you can see how utterly ridiculous and truly trivial functional eyebrows are. I mean functional…what function do eyebrows have? To keep miscellaneous fuzzballs and dandruff from toppling from our head/hair/forehead/brow into our eyes? Ahh, that’s why I must clean the debris from my eyebrows each night. Once, I retrieved a Yellow-Billed Loon from my right eyebrow. I was lucky it hadn’t been there long enough to establish residency, or my eyebrow would have been put on a protected list and where would I be now? Not writing this blog entry, I can tell you that! Another highlight for eyebrow-wearers (lame pun intended) is eyebrows remind you (and those around you) of your true hair color. No matter how you may try to go incognito, your eyebrows (and your hairdresser) always know the truth. (Okay, you can be all fancy-schmancy and have your hairdresser “help” you with your brows…but you may want to rethink your position once you finish reading this missive….)

I have earthen-like eyebrows. I like to leave them in their natural state as much as possible to help keep the earth green, world peace, fight plaque & gingivitis, that sort of thing. I am also against unnecessary pain as it relates to me. If others would like to rip fully-grown hairs from their follicles, then more power to ’em, but it’s just not for me.

Unfortunately, in a weak moment, I succumbed to the words and ideology of a dear friend with immaculately-shaped-eyebrows-and-a-stunning-glow-about-her. She confided in me that my eyebrows needed work and if I didn’t take care of them, she was going to take matters into her own hands–one tiny hair at a time. As I said, it was a weak moment, and I thought shaping my brows might work out for me. I didn’t have a unibrow working or a virtual eyebrow halo/headband going on, but they could use a little “training”. So, at my next hair appointment, I decided to go for the eyebrow wax. I won’t go into the mechanics of eyebrow waxing…the slathering, rubbing, and ripping…but suffice it to say, I was glowing by the time she was done. After the radiance subsided, I really appreciated the fine arch of my brow and the way all of the hairs went in the same direction. I liked the sleekness and coiffed look my freshly waxed brows gave me. So it began…waxing at the salon periodically, because I still was too gutless to pluck and too nervous to try the do-it-yourself-waxing-kit.

One Spring day as I went to my hairdresser’s for a before Easter cut-n-style. (She didn’t call it that–I just love hyphens![and parentheses!]) My eyebrows were becoming a bit unruly, so I asked if she had time for a wax. Of course she did! She always had time for whatever I needed!

Well, here’s a tip. Visit a bit with your hairdresser before you let her loose with, oh, say HOT WAX near your eyebrows. I mean, letting her loose with scissors snipping at your hair during a crisis can be horrifying, but eyebrows! My poor hairdresser had had a terrible week. Kids with marital problems, rude employees, holiday stress–you name it, she had it. I listened to her as she cut–and cut–and cut–my hair (but that is another post). After my cut-n-almost-style, she led me to the waxing station and slathered a third of my face with hot wax…rub…rip…. Then, the most terrifying words–words you never want to hear from your hairdresser or your plastic surgeon–were uttered. “Oh, no.” Looooong pause. “Oh, my.” P-a-u-s-e. “Okay, it’s okay. Yes, we can fix this. Not a problem–no worries. Yes, we’ll just fix this.”

“FIX THIS??? Fix what????” My mind was reeling with the possibilities. Was the wax so hot I didn’t realize it had melted part of my face?? Did a chunk of my face come off on the rubbing paper? Did the “fixing” involve wearing my hair down, like a shroud over my face?

She led me to yet another station, this one mirrorless, probably called the “fix-it” corner. She rummaged through a display area for a moment, then turned bearing a long, thin pencil and proceeded to DRAW on my face! “Oh, yes, this is nice. No one can tell the difference. No, you are perfect!” She stepped back, smiled, and gave me a hand-held mirror so I could admire her work. The lady had left me with one and one-half eyebrows! My left eyebrow in its entirety only existed in my memory. Now, it was art–a pencil sketch, if you will. As I sat in awe, she presented me with a gift–a token of goodwill–the pencil used to create the masterpiece I now wore above my eyes.

So, unless you fully trust your hairdresser, or you are comfortable with a rebel-type wax job, or perhaps your hairdresser is an emotionally stable kind of person that doesn’t let life get in the way of his or her styling responsibilities, I would have an in-depth talk with your hairdresser about their life and assess if you really want any drastic changes.

Take it from me.

Eyebrows…meh…do they really matter?


1 Response to "Eyebrows are overrated"

Oh my. How awful.

And then there are people like me who actually pick at their eyebrows (without really even knowing we are doing it) when stressed or when suffering from insomnia… this can end up with the same look of which you speak. And there is no one else to blame. **sigh**

It all started in college when I succumbed to peer pressure and decided to pluck. I never realized that I had such an absurd obsession with relieving my face of anything remotely stubbly. If it’s remotely stubbly, my finger finds it… even if I’m almost asleep and will not leave it alone until it’s gone.

I wish we didn’t need them. Well… I mean, I’m with you… we don’t really need them but it’s an awful shame that our faces seems to feel that we need them because when our faces see themselves without part of an eyebrow, they get kind of annoyed.

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